Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Alright

I'm alright.. I say this to people all the time when asked "how are you?"  I say this because I haven't been able to say "I"m good" since Kristen died.  I realised this just the other day, and I was a little surprised by it.  I wonder if I'll ever be "Good" again. 
We went to a memorial service tonight for Kens great Aunt.  She was a very loved woman, who I only had the pleasure of meeting once.  Her death wasn't really a surprise, she had been very sick for a long time.  I'm feeling guilty tonight because, while everyone else was there to pay homeage to this woman, I was wrapped up in my own grief.  I grieved while one speaker talked of what a great mother this woman had been, how proud she was of all her children, and grandchildren.  I still have Jenna, and am so immensley proud of my little girl.. but I want plural.  I still want to say children.  And yes, I suppose I do have that.  Kristen will always be Jenna's little sister.  But most of the world won't see it that way.  Anway, I'm sorry for being self centered.  There's a time and a place for my little world of hurt, but I don't feel right about visiting it tonight.

1 comment:

  1. I, for a long time couldn't say 'I'm good' to the how are you quesion either.
    I would say ok.. or alright... or just meh. never good, or great...

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