Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Finding an outlet

I came across a blog today that I think I might try out myself.  It was a list of all of the things she was angry about after the loss of her baby.... Just a vent really, sounds like a good idea to me so here we go:

1.  I'm angry that I lost the chance for Jenna to be 'close in age' to her sibbling.  I dreamed of having two children about a year and a half apart.  Infertility took that away from us, so I was happy enough to have my babies two and a half years apart.  That's gone now too.

2.  I'm angry that there may never even be a living brother or sister for Jenna.

3.  I'm angry that people keep telling me I'm 'tough'... does this mean I'm not supposed to mourn??  Just dust myself off and go on.  I don't feel very tough lately.

4.  I'm angry that the world didn't stop the day we lost Kristen.  Mine did.

5.  I'm angry that I'm in limbo, waiting for March, and dreading March.

6.  I'm angry that I'm angry!

7.  I'm extremely angry that I've lost the part of me that was always cheerful.  That was ME.

Okay, that being done.. I feel the need to go ahead with some of the things I'm thankful for, maybe to offset my rant:

1.  My family, my caring, loving husband, my beautiful little girl, even my dog, and cat!
2. My health, other than my damn cervix!
3. My friends who have listened when I needed them to.
4. Finding the baby loss directory.
5. God, even though we're a little on the outs right now.  I do have a lot to thank him for.

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