I took Jenna to a Birthday party today, and there was a friend of a friend there, who happens to be around 22 wks pregnant, she's a real sweet lady, and I have no bad feelings for her or the baby. I'm just a little uncomfortable with pregnant women right now. Anyway she knew through our mutual friend that this week was one of my tougher ones, and she asked how I was doing. Then she started talking about how she was having a tough week too, one of her friends has just lost one of her twins at 15 months old to SIDS. Here's where I start to question my take on life these days. My heart goes out to that poor mother, I can't possibly imagine what she's going through right now, and wish that no mother ever had to lose their child... but part of me thinks.. I just wish that I could've had 15 months with my angel! Does that make me a horrible person??? What really kinda got to me was the implied there is worse out there that you could experience, so perk up won't ya.. that I read into the conversation. I know there is worse, and harder, and even unimaginable pain.. but what I'm experiencing right now..... is bad enough! I don't need to feel like it could be worse, I don't need comparisons to make me question my grief. I lost my daughter before I got to see her smile, or see her look into my eyes for the first time. JUST BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN BEFORE SHE WAS VIABLE, DOESN'T MEAN I DIDN'T LOSE A CHILD! I lost everything.
At this point, I would do anything for a day with her, let alone 15 months!!!! I'm sorry if anyone disagrees, but it's just the way I feel about things today.