Things are better these last couple of days.... I can't believe the assault of grief living through Kristens date for her section brought me. I'm climbing up again from the depths of despair (literally) And although I'm not quite as high as I was a couple of weeks ago, I'm getting there.... I just wish I could see the top of this hypothetical mountain. It's far away yet I'm afraid.
Moving forward I think is helping me clear my head, or at least has given me something else to focus on, and to hope for... I went for bloodwork today for the fertility clinic, and will hopefully have a sono-hystogram this cycle as well (haven't heard from the clinic here yet about that) If this goes alright, I'll be looking to start the pill next cycle, and will be heading to Vancouver six weeks from then (eek!) The downfall in all this, and I need to seriously, SERIOUSLY think about my timing, is I'll be within a few weeks of the calendar pregnancy (for lack of a better term) as I was with Kristen.. got pregnant end of June last year, and will, if we go ahead as scheduled, and if it's successful, be pregnant end of June again this year. That means I'll be around 22 weeks again next November.. can I handle that? Can I handle postponing everything just to work around this? I'm not sure, I'm extremely impatient.. especially when it comes to making babies. I know this pregancy (if we're lucky again this time) is going to be stressful in itself, and I'm not sure if that will add to my stress levels too much or not. I think I can handle that part of it... I really don't want any more age difference than there already will be, between Jenna and her hoped for sibling. In an ideal world, I would have been due with my second when Jenna was a year and a half, not three and a half. Then again, in an ideal world, Kristen would be here, and I wouldn't be writing any of this!