Thursday, April 14, 2011

decisions

I read recently that one Mama had realised that her baby was the last baby she had held. This is probably true for a lot of us, but I've been thinking about that over the last few days. I've decided that I don't want to hold anyone else's baby... until I've had another of my own, so that I have that opportunity again. And if that never happens, then maybe not until Jenna has children of her own! That memory of her in my arms will never be erased... but I like that she was the last baby I've held. So... I may in the future go to see some of my friends new babies.. when I'm stronger, or more at peace with their existence (or more specifically their existence, while my baby exists only in my heart) But no more baby holding! And if you knew the old me.. I was a baby holding machine... there was nothing I loved more than visiting friends with babies, and snuggling them (the babies that is, not the friends! LMAO!!) I would take any opportunity to hold somebody's baby!

7 comments:

  1. I just LOL'd at snuggling the babies, not the friends.

    I think that's a nice thought as far as Kristen being the last baby you've held. I'm meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow. She has a baby who is a month younger than Jack would be. I'm not sure what my visceral reaction will be towards that baby, whether I can hold her or not... :|

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  2. I decided the same a while back. None til I have another!

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  3. Hadn't thought about that, but I might also blog about this-- you know... to inadvertently TELL those friends who have babies that I have no interest in holding their wee ones. It might actually get me out of having to see them, too.

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  4. I was the same way before we lost Joshua; I would hold any baby in distance, lol. I definitely understand your decision about not holding another baby until you've held your rainbow baby. I hope that you are able to have your rainbow baby soon and hold him/her in your arms. Thinking about you...

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  5. I tried and failed at attempting to hold a newborn, who happened to be my newborn nephew. I haven't held a newborn since I held my daughter. But, in my own mind, holding a newborn will be an important step in recovery. I just hope the next newborn I hold is my own. Thinking of you!

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  6. I definitely understand not wanting to hold another baby until you have another little one safe in your arms again! It was hard for me to hold my little niece who was born a year ago today...I had a miscarriage while her mom was carrying her. It was really hard, so I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to hold someone else's baby.

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  7. I know how you feel and have thought about the same thing... but have been surrounded by so many newborns over the past year and our toddler always wants to have a cuddle, so we do it together - somehow makes it easier :)) Love to you always xoxo

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