Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I like to be alone sometimes.. in fact I've always needed 'my space' fairly often. It took my husband a long time to get used to this part of me, and he's learned to read my signals, and knows when to give me the time that i need. I'm not talking days or weeks, just an afternoon now and then away from everyone, whether I stay home by myself, or go for a drive... I like my own company. Or at least I used to. Now, I find that if I get my alone time, I spend it crying, and dwelling. In a way it's good... I know that I'm supposed to let myself cry when I need to, but I hate that that's how I spend my time. Alone time is rare when you have a two year old, it's not so easy to just escape. Not that I'm complaining, I can only imagine how much crying and dwelling I would do if Jenna wasn't around to keep me distracted!! But I feel it's just another way my life has been altered, just another part of the 'new' me that I need to adjust to! I'm sick of adjusting, I'm sick of trying to come to grips with this person that's taken my place. She's mopey, and miserable! She's short tempered, and she doesn't give a shit about very much any more. Brooke just posted today about all of the things that she used to be, and the new life she's living. I know that it's true for all of us, that we are shadows of our former selves. Does this go away, or do we get so used to it, that we forget who we used to be??