I woke up this morning feeling okay. Ken's offshore again, and he sent me a sweet poem, and wishes for a Happy Mother's Day... he's on nights this hitch, so he was asleep by the time Jenna and I got up....
When I went to go deliver Mother's day cards to my MIL and Ken's Nan... Jenna FREAKED. She for some reason didn't want to leave the house. So I fought with her to get dressed, fought with her to get in the truck, and left the driveway listening to a screaming two year old... then I lost it. I don't think it's the fighting with her that wore me down... I've just been trying to hold back the reason I'm feeling sad today. I want BOTH of my babies, I don't care if they were both screaming in the back of the truck... but they should both be here.. Jenna AND her baby sister. So I turned around, how can I go deliver cards and wishing a happy Mother's day with tears streaming down my face? Maybe I'll try again later today, they're going to have to wait for a while anyway.
I really thought that I could be okay, that I could be happy today because I have my one little girl here with me (and believe me... I AM happy that Jenna is here, and that I am blessed to be her Mother) I'm just still feeling so raw about not having Kristen here with us.
My heart goes out to all the BLMs... I wish there was something I could say to make today easier, I know that we are all missing our babies, everyday.