Wednesday, May 11, 2011

still struggling.

I was hoping that last night was just a "mood" that I could cry it out, and see my situation more clearly. Usually I make quick decisions... I weigh out the obvious pros and cons, and without too much pondering... I decide. This is different. I'm still struggling today. I wish there was an answer, if we go through all of this again, will we get pregnant? I don't know if I can handle it if there's no chance of a baby, because even if I do get pregnant... that only means I have a chance at a baby. We all know it's no guarantee. On the other hand... can I be at peace if we don't try?????? Can I truly live the rest of my life okay with the fact that we never took the chance. Be okay with my little family as it is, and take the struggles of raising Jenna as an only child in a community with no other kids? I don't know. It's killing me, it's killing my husband. It's hurting Jenna seeing me like this. I don't know what to do!!!!!!

3 comments:

  1. Sherri I'm so sorry you're struggling. I've been there for the last couple of days myself. It will get a little better, trust me. As far as trying again, I still question whether I can go through it again, but I know deep in my heart that I'm not ready to give up. It took a lot of soul searching to realize this. I know there will come a point, that if I don't get pregnant that we will give up. But that is a long way off. I hope you can find peace in your own decision no matter what it may be. I know you realize its not a decision to take lightly and I wish you the best of luck in making it. Lots of hugs momma!

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  2. I knew that I would never *forgive* myself if I didn't try again even after the docs recommended me not getting pregnant again. I figured that docs aren't God so how do they know for sure that I couldn't do again. Several women in my uterine rupture group have gone on to have babies post rupture. It was a total leap of faith when we did get pregnant again. I knew that I would always wonder and agonize if I didn't try again.

    Sending you prayers and ((hugs)) as you and your hubby make a decision...

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  3. I just have to say that I do not know your struggles as a mom using ivf. But, I do know what it is like to lose a baby and then go on to try to conceive again. I took the chance and even though I lost my babies(twins) it felt right to try again and have that bit of hope. There is even more mourning now, but there is also the happiness (although short) that I had while carrying them. I know this is your own personal decision, but for me, I felt that if I did not take the chance that I would never know what may have happened.
    God bless you and your family and I hope that you will feel peace soon.I think these decisions are so hard to make because they are permanent decisions.

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