Tuesday, May 10, 2011

What started out as a bad day has spiraled. I'm a mess tonight. I start to do one thing, end up leaving it and trying something else... all the while my mind won't stop racing. I'm so scared. I'm scared to try invitro again. I'm scared to get pregnant again. I'm so damn scared of losing another baby!!
On top of that is Kristen, always on my mind Kristen. I don't want a new baby..I want MY baby, I want my little girl back! Why does it have to be so hard???????????? I know I can say it over and over again, but it really isn't fair. Nothing is going to ever even up the score, nothing is going to be fair again. My baby is gone, in her place is agony, heartache, and fear. It doesn't matter if we try again and are successful, she's still gone. It doesn't make it fair or right. We still have to go through hell and back to even have a chance at creating life, and after it's said and done, I may come back home by myself.. no baby.
I haven't paid the deposit yet, I have to do that tomorrow, and I'm so tempted to call it quits! I'm putting EVERYTHING on the line to have another baby, and I'm just so scared!

7 comments:

  1. so sorry you are having such a rough time. i am so scared, too. you are not alone.

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  2. I am with Molly. The idea of doing this all again, risking it all is so terrifying. I just think to myself that if I don't, if I don't try? I don't get a baby, that's a guarantee. And I can't handle THAT thought at all.

    Thinking of you and sending you a big hug. :)

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  3. Oh Sherri, I wish I could give you a big hug and pray with you right now. I hope that no matter what you decide, you have peace with your decision. Much love <3

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  4. Sherri-- I'm scared too and I am sad that fear will be a huge part of our next pregnancies. I'm comforted slightly to know that my BLM blogger friends with be around every step of the way.

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  5. Sherri,
    Oh girl I can so relate. I am right there with you. It all seems so daunting and scary. I wish I could say or do something to help you feel better. Know that I am thinking about you and hoping your journey goes well. Hugs to you.

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  6. I agree with everyone in just knowing that you are not alone in this. Another pregnancy is going to be scary for all of us I think, always wondering if the worst will happen again. Whatever you decide though, we will all be here to support and provide any kind of comfort we can.

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  7. You have to do what is best for you and your family...we can all get through this together!!!

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