Monday, July 25, 2011

How am I doing?

I'm alright, I think...... I found out this morning that there's a less than 10% chance this pregnancy will continue much longer. Not much of a surprise, because the bleeding hasn't really stopped since yesterday morning. There is a Wee One, and a heartbeat... but he's measuring 6wks not 7, and the sac is a little odd shaped. Plus the general condition of the rest of my uterus isn't all that wonderful, you can see some of the clotting. Funny that I say he, but that's the way I've felt all along, so I'm going to give him a gender, right or wrong!
Sooooo now we wait, and if things get too bad, I can call and go in. If not, my next appt is next Monday, we'll go from there... I'm crampy, and my lower back is killing me. I truly think it's just a matter of time.
I'm holding up pretty well..... I think that because we've suspected this possibility all along, it's okay, well, not OKAY.. but I know that I'm going to be alright. Ken says that he's done, last call, close the curtains.... I say give it some time, and we'll see... I know that there are a couple of frosties waiting for us, and maybe, somewhere in the future, we'll have the strength to try again!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

And the saga continues......

This morning when I got up from the breakfast table, my pants were wet... sorry if tmi, but I was sure that was the begining of the end. I phoned the clinic to let them know that bleeding had started, and to see if they still wanted me to keep my appt on Tuesday. Of course, there was no one there, so I left a message. But, I guess it's not the begining, or if it is, it's a really delayed one. The bleeding pretty muched stopped right after that, and although there's still a tiny bit of spotting again, there really hasn't been anymore all day!
If this pregnancy is really going to result in a healthy baby somewhere in the future, can someone please send a memo to Mother Nature?! This is NOT FUN! Definitely not what I was expecting when I thought about trying again, I was expecting the harder part to come when I got close to the second trimester! I don't even know what to think anymore, I just know that I'm soooo tired!!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

6 wks 5 days

My ultrasound on Monday showed a yolk sac, but it was probably too early to see anything else.. which still leaves us wondering if my early levels were an indication of a non viable pregnancy..... My next ultrasound will be next Tuesday, and finally, I should have an answer... there will either be a tiny Wee One, heart beat and all... or there won't. I'm so tired of this not knowing.... should I be embracing this pregnancy, or preparing myself for the worst!? I'm so stressed and tired these past few days!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Amazing coincedence!

I spoke with my friend today. I feel so helpless.. I wish there were something I could say to lessen her pain... but unfortunately, I know the road she's walking now is going to be hard, no matter what I say. She's an amazing person, and has always had a huge place in my heart. I hate that she's now one a Baby Loss Mama too! She told me that while they were waiting to give birth to twin B, they had an amazing nurse, she sat with them the entire time, and refused to leave. They forced her to go get something to eat, but she was right back with them after she had. She didn't want to leave at the end of her shift, and I think Amanda said that she was back with them again when it was time for Baby B to be born. The nurses name..... Kristen! What an amazing coincedence! We spoke of our babies being together in heaven, and that's when she told me that part of her story!! I like to think that it has a bit to do with my angel watching over them!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Still so very sad....

Just got an email half an hour ago... "we're losing twin B"
I hate the unjustice!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

My heart is full of hurt tonight

I don't know if you remember me writing about a good friend of mine a few months back.... 'A' and her husband had waited so long to start their family, and finally, through invitro, they were expecting twins. She wrote me today to let me know that on the 11th, they gave birth to twin A... she was 16 wks plus a few days. Twin B seems to still be doing good, and they're hoping that her cervix will close again, for now she's on bedrest. I feel awful, we all know the pain that she is experiencing all too well.... Please say a prayer for my dear friend, and for both her babies... I'm praying twin B will be able to hang on until it's safe for him or her to enter our world.. and that twin A is safe with Jesus and all of our Angels.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011


well! Yesterdays results came as a complete surprise to me!! I had all but lost hope for this cycle, but apparently my beta went from 148 last wednesday to 1573!!!! Much much much better! Sooooo now I'm doing my ultrasound a week early (next Monday) just to see what's going on. While I'm relieved that my levels are climbing at a better rate, I'll feel better once next Monday is over with, just to confirm that things actually are going properly!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

not so good

That's my new level as of today.... 148 from 96 two days ago. So it's not rising as much as it probably should be, and I have to go back on the 11th. FIVE DAYS.. good lord, I thought a two week wait was bad enough! I'm wondering if the five days this time is just letting my body take its course, so they don't torture me with more bloodwork, or if there really is any hope left. I'm trying to stay hopeful, but at the same time, I'm a realist. And I'm not liking this reality at all.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Still Iffy but pregnant for this moment in time!

So, Saturday's level was 54 (anything over 50 is considered a pregnancy) and todays level was 96 (they would have liked to see it double, but anything within the 80% is still I guess ok) So like I said, right now I'm pregnant! They still want me to go back in for more bloodwork in two days to make sure it's still climbing. Because the levels are a bit low, and didn't quite double, and because I'm still spotting somewhat, the nurse told me that Wednesday's levels could easily go "either way". That's where it gets a bit iffy!
So... I'm pregnant.. for this day, and that's a beautiful thing! Please continue to pray for me and my Wee One, let's hope he or she decides to stay!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Hanging in Here (Barely)

Soooo went for first round of bloodwork yesterday, but won't get results until tomorrow because it was drawn on the weekend. Tomorrow I go for second round. In the meantime, I've been spotting for the past two days. I have tonnes of cramping, and a bad lower back ache. I haven't completely given up hope just yet, but it's diminished by quite a bit. Aunt Flo hasn't quite shown up, so I hope she decides to stay away! I'll let you all know tomorrow when I finally get my results.