Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Much needed break

Hello again everyone! I know I've been absent for quite a while again.... I've been grappling with my emotions, and the unknowns a lot lately.
My appt with the genetic specialist was preceded by a huge gush of blood again the night before (enough to soak me and drip on the floor as I ran for the bathroom) I spent the night thinking that this was it..... the miscarriage that I had avoided for so long had arrived. Then nothing.... no more blood, a decent nights sleep, no miscarriage! I decided to keep my appt, and let the Dr know what had happened, I told him that I may be wasting his time, as I might be losing the baby, but didn't want to rebook if I actually wasn't miscarrying.... The appointment itself was scary, really just a recap of what Dr. Crane had told me, that our chances of a chromosonal problem were heightened b/c of baby's size, and the nuchal scan. He also said that if the further testing comes out clear for chromosone disfunctions, there's a multitude of other disorders that it may be, and they can't test for them. So basically, even if we get a good test result, our outcome may not be rosy. I guess that I just have to live with whatever is coming, and realise this happens to lots of people all the time... I'm still praying that this child inside me will have some sort of quality of life when all this is said and done.
I then had an appt with my RE, and she did an ultrasound, low and behold, everything still looks fine (and the baby on her machine was measuring a week behind yet again, no more than that... makes me wonder if there's a discrepancy between the equipment at the two hospitals, and maybe my baby's growth hadn't slowed even more like we thought after the nuchal scan)
Next step is waiting for the amnio (Oct 4th) like I said, this will alert us if there is something wrong with the chromosones.... but that's all they are testing at this point. I have to wait 3 wks for the results, which will make me 19 wks by the time we learn anything at all.
Sooooooooooo I took the opportunity before cerclage to head home for 10 days! It was so nice to see my family again, and to let Jenna spend some time with her Grandparents! We also celebrated her 3rd birthday while there (Ken was offshore, we're having a party here this w/e too) I can't tell you how much I needed to be HOME! I just got back late last night, and thought I'd better update! I only skimmed my blog once while gone, and to tell you the truth, it was a nice break from that as well..... not that I don't care about what's happening to everyone... I just needed some time to myself! I didn't even remember the 19th this month, it took me back when I actually realised the date a few days later!! I don't know if I feel much remorse about this, because it's not that I haven't been thinking about Kristen, I thought about her more while I was home I think than I have for quite a while! Maybe it's just a sign of healing.... maybe I'll be able to mark her day by the years... like I once did by the weeks, and then the months. I think I'm okay with this because she's constantly in my heart.... no calendar will change that. I know that November is sneaking up fast, and that it is going to be hard to accept that a year has passed without her!

8 comments:

  1. My friend just had a healthy baby boy. She bled throughout her pregnancy, including clots and tissue. And he is fine. I don't know how, but he is. I don't know exactly how heavy the bleeding was as she only told me she was pregnant when she was 30 weeks (one of those friendships I thought I lost after Jacob was born). Anyway, I am very hopeful. I am so encouraged that the baby is still growing. Hoping and praying that your baby is healthy and this bleeding stops already!

    Thanks for the update. I have been thinking of you.

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  2. I'm so sorry that you are still in the realm of the unknown for your little one. I think it's a good sign that the baby is still only measuring a week behind on that one machine. Have you already had the cerclage placed?

    Anyways, I know this whole thing must be emotionally draining, but I'm praying for you and this baby!

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  3. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you've been... you're going through so much at the moment so must have been peaceful to spend some time at home. You are so brave... I'm keeping you and your bub in my heart through this time. Must have been such a scare to bleed so much. I often think that us BLMs have had our share of bad luck and deserve a break with our next pregnancy. Love to you always xoxo

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  4. I am so sorry you have going through this. I just had a recent scare with 3 soft markers from 20 week u/s and a positive quad scan. I had my amnio done last Saturday and I got my FISH results back on monday. It gave preliminary results for Downs, T18, T13, etc. You should definitely ask if you can get the FISH done or if they offer it. If anything it could rule out some of the Dx you may fear within 48 hours of getting the amnio done. I still have 2 weeks to get the rest of my panel back, but i did feel a little sense of relief when the first set came back negative. Your LO is a fighter and I am hoping you keep getting pleasant surprises every once in awhile. I will be thinking of you!!

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  5. I have been wondering how you and your baby have been doing. Sorry to hear things haven't been going as great as hoped. I can imagine the stress and emotions you must be feeling right now. Praying the amnio goes well. Thinking of you always...
    Glad you were able to get home and see family:)

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  6. I'm sorry you're still in limbo but I'm amazed that the baby has been such a strong fighter!

    Thinking of you lots!

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  7. Hey Sherri, thank you so much for the update. You are in my thoughts more than you know, and I have been anxiously awaiting an update. I am so sorry that you don't have any firm answers yet, but your little one is a fighter. My friend was pg the same time I was with Love, and her baby was consistently measuring small, and then her head was measuring small compared to the rest of her body. The doc's were scaring her with talk of possible severe retardation and developmental delays, deformities, etc... She was in a state for the last few months of her pregnancy. Well, lo and behold she gives birth and voila! Perfectly healthy and beautiful baby girl. I know it doesn't work that way for everyone, but I just wanted to share that story, and want you to keep up hope in that little fighter. Please keep us posted, and you will continue to be in my thoughts. I hope you get some great news soon. Lots of love,
    Brooke

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  8. Been thinking about you.....I hope you are doing ok. Sending lots of prayers and love....xoxo

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