Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Freaking out!

My appt yesterday actually went okay..... I'm still seeping fluid, which is BAD, but my little man still has enough around him to reamain comfortable for now (pretty much the same amount as last week after my rupture) This is good, but not really wonderful... it confirms the fact that what we're producing is being lost. Scary as hell part coming up right now...
I'm still at a huge risk for infection, if we had resealed, this wouldn't be much of a worry.... and I now have two days left on my antibiotics. I'm so scared that we'll end up losing this battle over something so stupid as an infection! There's still a chance we could heal, and put this behind us, but the doc said that usually if that's going to happen, it does so in the day or two after the rupture.
My cervix is still measuring 2.9 so that's shorter than what it was initially, but the same length as last week, so maybe bedrest is keeping me there.... hopefully. We have such a looooong way to go before we're even viable.
I would love your input, we've been discussing whether or not to reveal this pregnancy to Jenna.... so far we've just been saying that "Mommy's sick" but now we've crossed the line from 'miscarriage", to actual loss if something is to happen. So I guess she'll need to know in case we need to mourn another dead baby. I know this sounds incredibly pessimistic, but there is such a huge possibility of this happening, that I have to be prepared for the outcome. I'm so scared to put her through this again! Of course I'm praying this will end up being a non issue when we bring this boy home. Would you wait for viability, risking the chance of having to tell her about her sibling after the loss... or prepare her now for either outcome???? It's so freakin hard! My poor three year old should not have death in her vocabulary, and now I'm scared of putting her through it twice in one year.

11 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry youre going through this. :( I hope are able to seal back up and make it to term with all of my heart! My input and its just my opinion and I have no living kids is that I would wait just in case, just to protect her. Thinking and praying for you

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  2. Oh Sherri. I am still hoping this bag of waters reseals. To give you a little home, you might want to check out this blog: http://aidanbabyofmine.blogspot.com. She lost her son to premature rupture, I believe at 23w3, and recently welcomed her rainbow (she also had a rupture with her rainbow, but made it to 32 weeks).

    As for whether to tell her, I guess you just have to do what feels right. I might tell her... Or if you'd rather wait, you can alway tell her if/when you have to, you know?

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  3. I'm so sorry for all that you are going through :( I can't imagine how emotional and stressing this whole pregnancy has been for you. I really hope and pray that the bag does reseal itself. At least the cervix is remaining the same now. Maybe bedrest can keep it from shortening anymore.

    I don't know if I would tell Jenna. That is really such a hard choice. Some kids need a little preparation for that kind of news, but it can stress out other kids. Praying for you and your family and hoping for a positive outcome for your little boy <3

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  4. I'm so sorry Sherri- praying that the bedrest helps and that your bag reseals itself.

    It's so hard to know what to do with kids. They shouldn't have to know about death at this age- it's so unfair that they have to live this too. I'm not sure what I would do. I kinda think I would tell her just so she would know what was happening with me but I could completely see waiting as well until I absolutely had to tell her. I think you just have to see what feels right for you guys.......sigh. So difficult. I'm praying for you mama.

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  5. Sherri, I know I've been quiet lately, but I want you to know that I've been thinking about you all and praying for the little one. I wish I had some advice but I don't. Just know that I am sending all the prayers I can that your little man will hang in there. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Hugs momma!

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  6. I am so sorry you still have this to worry about, but it sounds like bedrest is definitely helping. I do have young children (6,4,almost 3) and I think I would try and wait a little bit longer if possible. I waited until 17 weeks to tell my kids and wanted to until at least 20 weeks or viability, but I couldn't pull it off anymore with my 6 year old and her friends. Being on bedrest I am sure makes things a little more difficult since you aren't able to be up and about like normal. IT is such a hard call, but i think you and your husband will know when it is the right time. Go with your gut and you have every right to protect your daughter as long as possible. I am praying that you stay infection free and that your little one keeps producing enough fluid to keep him and you comfortable for the long haul. You are in my thoughts and prayers constantly.

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  7. I was hoping all weekend that there would be a post this week that your bag resealed. I'm so sorry that it hasn't. I'm glad your cervix hasn't gotten shorter, but I imagine it must be scary every time you get up.

    I was going to tell you about the blog that Laura did. I believe Emily's water broke around 18 weeks and then she carried to 32. Her baby spent some time in the NICU and is home now. There is always hope.

    I don't know what I would do about telling Jenna (I don't have any living children).

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  8. I didn't tell my 2 year old at the time while pregnant with baby V until 2 or 3 weeks before she got here. He did notice differences and it was hard to explain to him to be gentle around my belly. It was the best thing for us becausewhile pregnant with Jeremiah we started talking about him to M since the beginning and that lead to a huge disappointment. Trust your gut...you'll know when the time is right.

    I will totally be praying for you and your little man.

    Hugs!

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  9. My heart goes out to you and I'm really hoping that your leak reseals and infection is not a problem. You're so brave and going through so much. I've always found it hard to know what to say to our now 3y/o... but a close friend's mother (who is a child psychologist) advised us at the time Gabrielle was born to be honest with her but only in very simple terms (b/c she was less than 2 at the time)... gradually over the past 18months, we've built up the story in her terms. I haven't told her about any of my MCs since, but we think that we'll probably be honest with her during any future pregnancy after 12 weeks or so... so that she's aware of what's going on... in preparation for a good or bad outcome. Others may think this is too much information for a little one... but I prefer to explain why I'm so sad and help her deal with it, rather than leave her wondering whether she's the cause of my unhappiness and/or feeling helpless. I hope this helps. Thinking of you and your little one... love to you always xoxo

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  10. This really sucks that you have to go through all of this. I don't really have much advice on telling Jenna or not. I guess I would wait a little longer to see how things go with the leak and infection stuff.
    I am still hoping and praying for you and your little boy.

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  11. Found your blog through google. I'm not sure if your family knows about it yet, but I was the same way. I just felt such a need to express myself, and even though I always have kept a journal, I needed something more.. I needed validation through other people, and I knew , or hoped I could get that through blogging. It took me a good month or 2 before I finally let my family know about it through fb. And a bunch of other friends, that I kind of "talked" about too. Even though it's still hard, because my family thinks I'm just bitter. They tell me they are trying to help me, but if I actually do show signs of emotion, it always seems as if I'm the angry one who is just over reacting. Anyway, just wanted to say that I always appreciate other "BLM"s being honest and open.

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