Saturday, December 24, 2011

Not to be a downer on Christmas but..............

This has to be the worst Christmas Eve in my books, okay nope.. last year won out for obvious reasons, but I was in a cacoon of grief and barely recognized the fact that it actually was Christmas.
This year, Ken's working until Monday, we have plans to make that our Christmas Eve, and do our dinner on Tuesday. Which leaves me here tonight more homesick than I've been since moving here... missing my husband, missing Kristen, and SOOOO SICK of being helpless. My MIL is here tonight too in an equally shitty mood because this really should be Christmas Eve, and we're too mopey to even pretend like we feel like celebrating. I know that she's sick of this whole situation too... let's face it, she's tired of living up here taking care of me and Jenna, and just wants her life back to normal as well. It's been nearly 12 weeks of this, and we're exhausted!
I've mentioned my rational brain last post, and it's still there, telling me that I'm doing this for a good reason, and that this situation is only temporary. But it does nothing to make me feel good about tonight. sigh.
Anyway, look forward to a happier post from me in a couple of days when I finally have my hubby back, and we can pretend like we're celebrating Christmas like a normal family! Sorry to be such a baby tonight, but this is the only place I truly feel safe venting!
Love to all.. and truly, I hope you are having a Merry Christmas!


  1. I hear you my friend. This is an awful Christmas Eve for us too, I still can't reconcile this year with where we were this point last year- 1 week from meeting our son, and 2 weeks from losing him.

    I can only hope Christmas 2012 is a heck of a lot better.

  2. Shitty xmas eve here too. Hang in there and I hope your celebration with your hubby next week makes up for it a little bit.

  3. Definitely the worst Christmas eve/Christmas for me. It's hard not to imagine where I was last year when I was so much happier and still prego with my little guy and then to think about how he should be this year.
    Hope things are better when your husband gets home:)

  4. I was only on bedrest for a little bit, so I can't imagine how you're feeling. It's so rough to be on bedrest, especially around holidays or events. I hope you, your husband, and Jenna are able to relax and celebrate Christmas together when your husband returns. Next Christmas, you should have your Carter there with you guys :) Merry Christmas, Sherri