Saturday, November 19, 2011

A day of tears and memories.....

Happy Heavenly Birthday my Angel! If I had control over today, things would be different, we'd be having a party to celebrate your life. As it is, I'm stuck in bed and it really just makes today more difficult. We did release your balloon this morning... Daddy picked one out for you yesterday, you may already have it, as I don't think heaven is all that far away! I came downstairs today, and disobeyed orders so that I could be a part of your balloon release, and later, after supper... we'll have cupcakes for you. Please know that I wanted more for today... and that I'm spending every moment of today remembering your sweet little face! You are so loved, and so missed baby girl!
Love, Mommy, Daddy, and Jenna! xoxoxoxoxo

Saturday, November 12, 2011

23 Weeks!

For someone with nothing but time on her hands, I'm sure bad at posting lately!! Yesterday I was 23 weeks, still a looooong way from where I would like to be when this baby arrives, but at least from this point on, they would try to save our baby if I went into labour! Every day from now on in, is one more day that my baby actually has a fighting chance! I can't begin to describe the relief this brings... finally I feel like we have a hope of bringing this man home! This pregnancy has been so riddled with complications, that I couldn't look past one day into the next! While there are some doubts lingering, there is hope shining through!
I'm sending lots of Love out to all my fellow BLMs! There are so many of us that are expecting rainbows right now, and I pray they all end up safely in our arms one of these days!
New Year New Mum, I've been reading faithfully, and while I can't seem to comment, know that I've been praying, and I so happy to read this morning that two of your embryos survived the thaw! Praying for the result you've been waiting for on the 24th!!!!!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Cerclage in Place!

Tuesday was a ROUGH ride! I've been nervous every weekly appt, especially since my cervix looked like it was shortening. On Tuesday, we found out that I had shortened from 2.3cm to 0.6!! 6 freaking millimeters!? The Dr at the Maternal fetal Unit wanted to test my fluid again, apparently the week before when I went to my RE, she had swabbed me, but didn't look under the microscope for what they call ferning. As this was our last resort, and I was sure that the fluid that's still seeping out of me was amniotic, I was devestated. Thank the lord there was no ferning evident, and they wheeled me in for an emergency cerclage. Still scared to death though, because our medical history this pregnancy has been all but a smooth ride, and let's face it 6 millimeters isn't alot to work with when you're using a needle that close to a sac filled with fluid! Finally, things seem to be on our side, and the surgery went off without a hitch! When I came out of recovery, they wheeled my stretcher straight for the room that I gave birth to Kristen in, and I had a slight panic attack... luckily the room next to it was empty. I would have spent the night in the hallway if I had to, I have no plans of ever going back into that room! I stayed in the hospital a few extra nights, just to be certain things were okay, and just got home this afternoon. Now we're just praying that I avoid infection (I still think that I have a small rupture, but wasn't going to argue the cerclage) I'll take the extra risk of infection over the certainty that this baby was going to arrive too early! The fluid that's on my tissue every time I wipe, is the same fluid that took me to the hospital when I suspected something might be wrong last year, and also when I went in before Jenna was born (same scenario, but at that time I was 34 wks so Jenna was okay) And it only started appearing after they ruptured my membranes this time! So I'm a little extra worried about infection.... but so glad to have been given this chance at extra time with our baby! Hopefully this is what's needed to get him close enough to term that he'll come home with us someday!
Today I'm 21wks 6 days.... tomorrow was the gestation I was at when Kristen was born. I think the extreme coincidence in dates added to my stress levels Tueday, to come so close to losing another baby, and in the same time frame as Kristen was really really frightening! I can't wait to get past tomorrow, and hopefully a LOT further into this pregnancy before Carter decides to make an appearance!
Blogger has been a pain again lately, and I can't seem to comment! Please know that I'm reading, and thinking about you all.... and have tried and tried to comment on some of your blogs! A special (belated) Happy Birthday to Aiden! I didn't have my laptop these past few days in the hospital or I would have sent my wishes on time! Sorry Natasha!