Tuesday, May 29, 2012

One Year, Six Months, One Week, and Three Days

I'm going to start this post in the same manner as the one I wrote almost a year ago... thanking Angie at Still Life. This second round of Where I Am Right Now, gave me an opportunity to reflect on my grief and how far I've come in the last year. Kristen is still on my mind daily, it no longer hurts physically to think of her, well, not all of the time anyway! She's tucked into my heart and has become a part of me. Last year we were in the midst of a fertility cycle which led to a CRAZY pregnancy, I fought tooth and nail from nearly day one to bring my son home with us, the whole time thinking that if she had been here with us, I wouldn't have even tried to get pregnant again. I miss her, but I love my new baby.... it's a strange balance! In some ways I think it's easier for me having a baby boy now. I think I would have spent more time comparing a baby sister to what Kristen might have been. I still find myself doing that with the milestones her older sister meets, having a boy is just so different. I'll always wonder what she would have been like, what kind of baby she would have been, and what her personality would have been like. But I'm glad to say that at this point, I'm doing alright, I wouldn't have guessed last year, that this is where another year would find me!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A year and a half

The 19th of May hit me hard. I miss you still, sometimes more than ever. I was a weepy mopey mess all week without really knowing why, then I looked at the calendar. A year and a half without you, how can so much time have slipped past?! The day before the 19th a little girl was talking to me at Jenna's swimming lessons, she told me that her name was Sophie and that she was 6. "Is your name Kristen?" She asked me so innocently.... "No, It's Sherri" But I have a baby named Kristen, I so badly wanted to tell her. But how do you explain an angel baby to a six year old. Of all the names she could have asked was mine! I'll never forget about you sweet little baby of mine... even when 60 and a half years have slipped by, you'll still have your special place in my heart!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Long overdue update!

We're still here, and doing good! My days are a blurr of playing dressup, playdough, and Dr to stuffed animals, add to that housework, feedings and diaper changes, and I'm one very happy, extremely exhausted Mama! It feels like I don't have much to add, hence the lack of blogging! Carter is growing like crazy, and is such a welcome addition to our family. Jenna loves him, and is very protective! I love watching them together, she sings to him all the time, and is full of kisses for him! Here are the pictures we had taken a couple weeks after he was born:
And this one is a bit more recent:
I still miss Kristen, I think about her every day, and talk about her quite often, it feels like a liftetime ago, that horrible grief of new loss, but I've had twinges of it over the past week and a half, I truly have grieved for Becky.... the loss of her sweet baby Evelynn hit me hard. I seems funny to feel so sad for someone I've never met face to face... but we shared the same feelings of anxiety as our babies grew, that tentative joy that blossomed as we got closer to our due dates, I know how she was feeling during her pregnancy. Now I can only imagine how she feels, and I hurt for her!!