Tuesday, May 29, 2012
One Year, Six Months, One Week, and Three Days
I'm going to start this post in the same manner as the one I wrote almost a year ago... thanking Angie at Still Life. This second round of Where I Am Right Now, gave me an opportunity to reflect on my grief and how far I've come in the last year. Kristen is still on my mind daily, it no longer hurts physically to think of her, well, not all of the time anyway! She's tucked into my heart and has become a part of me. Last year we were in the midst of a fertility cycle which led to a CRAZY pregnancy, I fought tooth and nail from nearly day one to bring my son home with us, the whole time thinking that if she had been here with us, I wouldn't have even tried to get pregnant again. I miss her, but I love my new baby.... it's a strange balance! In some ways I think it's easier for me having a baby boy now. I think I would have spent more time comparing a baby sister to what Kristen might have been. I still find myself doing that with the milestones her older sister meets, having a boy is just so different. I'll always wonder what she would have been like, what kind of baby she would have been, and what her personality would have been like. But I'm glad to say that at this point, I'm doing alright, I wouldn't have guessed last year, that this is where another year would find me!